Wednesday 7 January 2015

My perfectly real and plausible college application

       Who am I? A difficult question, I generate mountain ranges, spawn Mount Everest every Friday and drink the water of the Earth to create the Sahara desert the following Tuesday. Swiftly my hand passes over the people as I soar through the air beyond the speed of light. Not only can I travel at the speed of light but stop in a jiffy to save an old woman's cat from the tree on Elm Street. Evil cowers as I'm the Mr. Clean and they're the germs because I kill 99% of them only to let the other 1% pretend to die. In the morning I prepare my 10000 person banquet. In the afternoon I climb to the moon, and in the time of night I return to read goodnight stories to all the children, telepathically.
       I am a master of all; I created language when I was three and then a person for each. I am the control room, the energy, the lab, the lavatory, and the everything of the world. Created have I, the French, the British, the Portuguese, and the Aliens.
        Modern science is my creation; Ancient Science is my creation; Every thought in between is my thought that I gave to my people and they are my creation. Music creates me, and I create music. What Am I? I am the river Nile in the Mediterranean, the Pacific Ocean In the Atlantic, and the Moon inside the sun. I am the Inventor and Earth is my workshop. I am God.
      Science is arisen from the grand studies in the palace of my mind. Air is blown from my mouth as a tornado of otherworldly power. Earth creates itself below my feet from the dark energy in the universe. Fire from my heart immolates the darkness and evil throughout the galaxies, and Water cascades from my bloodstreams into the vast regions of space. I now wish to see what my pupils have discovered of the great plan. I wish to see what they have to teach. I wish to attend one of their "Colleges".

Matthew Mackay

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